Once you do, everything changes...

“Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.” – Radical by David Platt.

I have so much on my mind and in my heart tonight, that I'm not even really sure where to begin.  If feelings were fruits, I could blend you the best smoothie you've ever had!  When Jia Qing was just a photo on Project 143's hosting website, I would stare at him and think, "there's no way he can be as awesome as he looks- I'll go ahead and hope for the best but prepare for the worst."  Well, wouldn't you know it...he wasn't as awesome as he looked in his photo.  He was/is AWESOMER (trademark pending.)
Is he perfect?  No. Is he pretty darn close?  I think so.  From the moment we met him at the airport, my heart started drifting towards him.  Chris made it abundantly clear that we were going to HOST.  We were going to ADVOCATE.  We were NOT going to adopt.  "No problem!", I thought.  "We've had 20 kids come and go over the years, and it's clearly what God has called us to do. We'll show him a great time, love the daylights out of him, and then rejoice as he joins his forever family." 

However, as the days and weeks went on, things started getting blurred for me.  If my 47 daily Facebook posts haven't clued you in yet, I kind of like this kid.  He was reeling me in, hook, line and sinker...

 

Each day he blended into our family more and more.  Each day he learned new English words and phrases.  Each day he did something either to make me laugh hysterically, or want to hold him and never let go. 

I was envisioning us adopting him.

Here's the problem:  although Chris adores him, for several reasons (which are valid and personal) his stance on advocating for Jia has not changed.  I was hoping for a miracle.  For writing on the wall, a burning bush, a lighting bolt...anything!  But, the lightning bolt never came.  I mentioned in an earlier post that often times the wife is the gas while the husband is the brakes.  A car needs both to get to its destination safely.  I also mentioned that BOTH parents need to be 100% ALL IN, or moving forward (either with hosting, fostering, or adopting) will be a disaster.

 

Here's the big news:  there are two families that are seriously interested in him, and to be completely honest? I've been a wreck.  Last night I was so angry with Chris for not feeling like I felt.  I mean, how dare he!!  Then, I was reminded of our hosting agreement.  He wasn't the one who changed his tune... I was.  I realized how much I needed to heed my own advice and honor my husband.  He loves me, and he loves Jia, and he loves the Lord, and there is a reason for all of this. 

I've cried my share of tears toady, but it's just because I love Jia, and am mourning what could have been.  They aren't tears for him, as he is going to end up with the family that is just right for him.  I thought maybe that was us (as did a lot of you, I know), but it's not, and that's ok.  I am so GRATEFUL that we get to be his host family, and that we will always be a part of his adoption story, like we are with all of our precious Bethany babies.  I'm giddy with anticipation to see how this all plays out.  It's so exciting and humbling to even play a part in his journey!

***please don't ask me about the two families.  We are way, WAY in the beginning stages, and anything could happen.  It's also not my place to talk about it.

***don't be frustrated with Chris, like I was.  He's an amazing, sensible man, who loves Jia, and I am standing with him on this.  He's the only man in the entire state of Virginia who agreed to host a Chinese orphan through P143, and that's saying something!  His heart is good and his reasons are enough.  Thank you!!!