She's Leaving On a Jet Plane...Don't Know If She'll Be Back Again

Today I was reminded that I am the biggest cry baby on the planet.  (Like I needed reminding??)

I will admit, though, that the tears didn't really have to do with saying goodbye to Alyona.  As we kind of expected, our goodbye was very brief and to the point.  She slept all the way to the airport, and when we arrived, the kids went with a couple of chaperones to check their luggage, while the host parents waited.  That took about 45 minutes.  By the time they rejoined us, it was time to rush off to get them through security.  Alyona and 16 year old Anya yelled "Toilet!" and off they ran.  About 10 minutes passed and we were starting to panic, thinking they had run off or were lost.  They seriously had to get moving, as they were boarding in an hour!!  Well, the girls finally returned, but by that time, the other kids had said their goodbyes and had "crossed the line" beyond where non travelers could go.  She gave us both a quick hug while the chaperones told them to hurry up, and that was it.  

Here is one of the reasons for my waterworks:

The look on Jills' face as she comforts her son  just says it all.  They love Irina.

Precious, sweet Irina.  Oh my goodness.  About 3 days ago, her host mom (and my dear friend, Jill) started sharing that Irina was crying a lot because she didn't want to leave the family that she had grown to love so deeply.  Her 3 host brothers were at the airport, and they all cried for her.  The youngest one especially, absolutely broke my heart.  He cried and cried and cried.  Jill and Darin struggled to put that sweet little girl on that plane.  They love her very much.  I'm not sure what the future holds for her or for her host family, but we are all hoping for wonderful things!

The other younger girl (Natasha) also wept, although I was so focused on the family above that I kind of missed it.  She struggled so much that her host dad had to actually carry her to the car this morning, when it was time to go to the airport.  She was so upset that she wouldn't show her face or have any pictures taken.

Lori with sweet "Natash".  Zoya was a great, Russian speaking help and comfort.

Even the 16 year old (who had a tough time here) had a very tearful goodbye with her host parents.  I was a little bummed out that we didn't get one, but that is just not Alyona's personality.  She is very independent and a somewhat hard nut to crack.  We were told several times during her stay (through translators) that she was having a wonderful time here, loves America, and wants to be hosted by us again.  I wouldn't say that her actions really reflected that, but it does make us happy to know that it's true.  Because of her age, I'm not sure if she will be able to be hosted again.

Our final farewell

I was also very heart broken over 14 year old Alyona.  Her host family (also very dear friends) offered to adopt her. She declined.  She is CHOOSING to be an orphan.  She is saying, "I don't want filet mignon, I'm very happy with Spam, thank you very much."  She just doesn't understand the decision she is making.  She even said that many of her friends who have aged out of the orphanage are now homeless, but she doesn't believe that will happen to her.  She was handed a winning lottery ticket, but didn't accept it.  She just couldn't comprehend the value of it, and it is devastating.

This photo was emailed to me once the kids landed in Boston (to pick up more host children).  One leg closer to Ukraine...

Ask anyone who has been involved, and they will tell you the same thing:  Orphan care, of any type, is really messy.  Sometimes it can seem glamorous from afar, but it is so NOT glamorous.  There can be a lot of pain involved, and life as you know it gets turned upside down.  My precious friends were deeply hurting today.  The kids are going back to their orphanages after a wonderful vacation, and they are still orphans.  One of them, by choice.

The drive home was really nice.  We left our 3 with a sitter, and carpooled with Rebecca (14 year old Alyona's host mom). It was good for her to process what had happened over the last few days, and it was refreshing to just share stories (the sad, weird and hilarious!)
We share a special bond with the other 3 Richmond host families, and we are so grateful.

We got home around 2 and went right to work on Cole's room.  It needed a complete, top to bottom cleaning.  Alyona was not very clean, and we wanted it to be nice for Cole again.  That room alone, mixed in  with getting the playroom back to normal (Cole's been sleeping there for 3 weeks, and Loren slept there while Zoya was with us) , plus washing all of the bedding that Alyona used took 2 full hours.  I was wiped out, both physically and emotionally, for sure.

I was literally thinking "I still need to do the bathrooms and the kitchen and I'm running on empty."  Then, I checked my email.  And there was the following message (cut and pasted):

Hey Tracy! How did it go today saying goodbye? I'm sure that was tough. Hey, I have an idea. You can say no but thought I'd at least offer it. What if you and the kids (and Chris if he's not working) take a day tomorrow to do something fun as a family of 5 again while I come over and clean your house (obviously for free). I'm weird and love cleaning, and after reading your blog, thought that may be something that would take a load off. Let me know what you think. I'm free most of the day tomorrow (just need to work out) and happy to do it. xo, 

I told her I wouldn't mention her name on my blog, so I won't.  (but it starts with a B and rhymes with schmecky)
And that my friends, is when the dam broke...

Remember the verse I quoted a couple of posts ago?
Matthew 6:8
...your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

I felt so unbelievably loved and cared for that I didn't even know what to do except cry and thank her over and over again.  She said, "this is what I can do to help with orphan care."  WOW.  
I've said it before and I'll say it again...We have not done this alone.  Sometimes we get praise for being the ones who hosted, but I don't like it.  We were ONE piece of the puzzle.  I have so many people to thank for helping us during this journey that it overwhelms me.  

So, if you encouraged us with kind words or prayers, thank you.  If you donated clothes or put out the word and got donations from friends, thank you.  If you sent money or a gift card to help with Alyona's many expenses, thank you.  If you read this blog, thank you.  If you are cleaning my house or giving Chris and I a date night Saturday (Heather Jarvis), thank you.  We are blessed beyond measure.

Our Final Days With Alyona

I wanted to share some pictures of our last days with Alyona...

On New Years Eve, we went to a party with no fewer than 150 people, a third of which were teens.  I have to give Alyona some serious props, because she just wondered around and did her thing.  She even joined in with the groups of teens and made herself right at home!  I would have been petrified to do something like that...and she doesn't even speak the language!

She was wearing heels and a mini skirt, and my friend Elizabeth heard a boy say to his friends, "There's a hot girl here and she doesn't speak English!"  Three guesses who he was referring to...ha!!
Here she is, just having a grand ol' time!

We got home from the party around 9, and she wanted to go up to her room to watch her Russian videos.  We made her come downstairs just before midnight to shout "Happy New Year!", and then we sent her off to bed.  Woot!

The next day, thanks to a generous friend, we all went bowling.  Two other families joined us and we had a great time.  She had never bowled before, and quickly got the hang of it...

 The bumpers were up in her lane, but still...she was the only kid to hit 100!

My friend, Heather, brought her niece, so Alyona wouldn't be the only kid over the age of 9.  She rocks!

 I love this man.  Alyona never had a father figure in her life until now. He was and is so loving and 

patient and smart (and handsome!)He was a great example of how a man should treat a wife and a daughter, and hopefully she will always remember what she saw and be picky when it comes time to find a husband.

Bowling buddies.  Happy New Year!

After 2 hours of bowling and then lunch, we took Alyona shopping to buy gifts for her friends back at the orphanage.  I think that was one of her favorite activities of the entire trip, and she is so anxious to distribute the goodies upon her return to Ukraine!

Today we were home getting things done, until 2:30.  Then, we went to the library to see Cole's and Reid's artwork on display, followed by a trip to Sweet Frog.  Oh yeah!

An interpreter friend came over at 5 to help her pack.  It was SOOO much easier having her there.  Thank you, Lena!

She is packed and showered and ready to leave in the morning.  She doesn't seem sad about having to go back, but she has mentioned wanting to be hosted again.  Not sure if she will be too old to be considered (she cannot be adopted once she turns 16 in May), but it's really sweet that she loved it here and wants to return.  Mission accomplished!

We'll be heading to Dulles at 7:30am tomorrow.  Pictures to follow...

Secure All Loose Articles, and Enjoy Your Ride

Isn't it hard to believe that tomorrow morning we will be driving back to Dulles Airport?  WOW.  In some ways, our last trip to Dulles seems like a lifetime ago.  In other ways, time really flew.  We have very mixed emotions about the whole hosting experience.  In some ways, we are disappointed.  Disappointed that a family didn't step forward for any of the Richmond kids (yet, anyways).  Disappointed that as much as I wanted us to be that family, it is not meant to be.  Disappointed in my grossness, but more on that later...

In other ways, we are absolutely thrilled with how it all went down.  This was intended to be a hosting experience, and nothing more.  Don't get me wrong:  finding Alyona a forever family would have been the icing on the cake, but that was not the purpose of her trip.  She was able to experience being part of a family for the very first time.  Her first plane ride, her first trip to America, her first time bowling and ice skating, her first time decorating Christmas cookies and a gingerbread house, her first time at a drive-in theater, her first ballet. She was told that Jesus died on the cross because he loves her so much.  She made new friends, got all beautified for a dance,  tried new foods (a couple, anyways!), had some down time to relax, and opened more Christmas presents than she probably has opened in her lifetime.

Chris and I had the privilege of watching her experience so many new and wonderful things.  We learned a lot about her, but many questions were raised, too.  We watched as God met our physical and emotional needs through amazing friends, family, and even strangers.  Like most exciting things...hosting was like a roller coaster. Sometimes I had my arms in the air yelling, "YIPPEE" as the wind blew through my hair.  Other times, I knew that if we hit one more loop I would surely lose my lunch.

In reference to my "grossness" comment above, this experience has shown me what I knew to be true but was hoping wasn't.  I was not as grace giving and patient as I wanted to be.  In fact, she got on my nerves many, many times.  Today was probably the worst, in that respect.  I realize I'm taking a huge risk sharing this, and you might be thinking, "She's an ORPHAN!!!  How dare you lose your patience with her- get a life, Scoggins!!!!  You stink!"

Well, I've thought that about myself quite a bit, too!  Ugh-yuck!!!!  It is in those moments when I remember that without relying on God at every turn, I'm a huge failure.

1 Timothy 15-16 says this:

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. ¹⁶ But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience, as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.

"Immense patience."  Ouch.
Let's look at today:  I started out being pretty tired from going to bed too late the last few nights.  I knew we had to get Alyona packed, and there were a lot of clothes to wash and go through (keep pile vs. "can't fit in the suitcase" pile).  Our kids were fighting, as usual.  The house was a mess, with Alyona's room being an absolute pit.  She was very neat on day one.  We haven't seen that kid since.

I wanted to take down the Christmas tree and decorations, get them put in the attic, and get the house cleaned.  The kids broke no fewer than 4 ornaments.  Alyona was watching her videos, as usual, chomping on gum so loudly that I'm sure the neighbors were wondering, "What is that noise?!"  When I would ask her to do something to help, she would huff and puff and roll her eyes, and then do the bare minimum of what I requested.  We have very different interpretations of "make your bed" and "clean your room", apparently.  I was frustrated that she wasn't lifting a finger to help me, meanwhile, thinking of all the other host families who tell me how much their host kids just loooove cleaning.  I think we got a dud!  I found pistachio shells on the carpet in her bedroom.  (Hmmmm...I'm quite certain I said those were for the plane and not to open them), as well as lollipop sticks and other various trash.  And what's this in the corner behind the sofa?  Oh!  Tangerine peels!  Awesome!

I asked her to go get my earrings that she had borrowed shortly after arriving here.  She said, "later."  Um....I was actually thinking NOW would be good.  They are my favorites and I was anxiously awaiting their return to my dresser, especially knowing that she received SEVERAL pairs of earrings for Christmas.  She returned with one. And it was broken.  OK, deep breaths, woman!  Get a grip- they're just earrings!

We then went to Costco, where she grabbed a shopping cart and promptly ran it straight into the back of my foot. You've felt that, right?  Not pleasant.  Especially with a super sized Costco cart.
We picked up about 90 prints, and I worked so hard to put them all in chronological order.  I handed them to her beaming, so she could put them in her photo albums... and she dropped them on the floor.

None of the above were big deals on their own, but they combined to produce...my perfect storm.

I shared my feelings with Chris, and he reminded me that she doesn't have manners because nobody taught her any.  Husbands, don't do that.  Just listen.  It made me feel worse, like a big loser.

So there you have it!!  This has not been easy and she gets on my nerves, sometimes.  She embarrassed me in public a lot, being loud and weird.  She wouldn't flush her TP no matter how much I begged.  (That does not make your bathroom smell very nice, FYI)
Did we make that "love connection  I was hoping for?  No, we did not.

But you know what's crazy???  I would do it all again!!!  Three weeks out of my life is nothing.  It's a blip.  Three weeks in light of eternity???  Less than a blip!!  A blippette!  BUT, there was eternal VALUE in it!!  Who knows what her time here could mean for the rest of her life!?.  Only God knows that, and he loves her a million times more than we ever could.

This experience forced us to be uncomfortable for someone else.  Cole slept on the couch for 3 weeks...and he survived!  In fact, it was good for him.  Making sacrifices so someone else can have something is a great thing.  We were reminded that the things we take for granted (like family, a home, extra money to do special things) are luxuries that not everyone has.  So what that there were tangerine peels behind the couch (in the room where we told her not to bring food) and my earrings are gone.  So What!!  We loved her and gave her a family, if even for a short time.  It was worth it all.

Children are hosted each Christmas and for 5 weeks over the summer.  I want you to do something crazy...just think about it.  Think about hosting and putting yourself out there for the sake of an orphan.  Your  house might be a mess and heck, you might not even make a love connection...and that's OK!!!  You never know until you try.  And you may never know the impact you've made an another life.  So worth it all.