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| (The girl on the right is our niece, WDW 2012) |
Drops? Love 'em. Water rides? Hand me my poncho! Dark rides? Bring it. Speed? YES PLEASE. Whenever I ride something that spins, though, I want to die. I don't like getting off a ride and feeling disoriented.
These past couple of weeks, I've felt like my life is one big, disorienting ride on the Tea Cups. Honestly, I'm struggling. Every time I see a picture of Jia Qing, or think about him, or laugh as the kids imitate him, or someone asks about him, it borders on painful.
I wonder every single day if he is a Scoggins, and if we've completely missed the boat. I mean... good grief, look at this picture!!!
As you may or may not have seen, a couple of weeks ago, a gal in Boise posted on my Facebook wall, that she and her family were adopting a precious 13 year old girl from JQ's orphanage (he lives with a foster family, but attends school at an orphanage). She said that she had been following my blog since he came to live with us, and they were feeling led to adopt him, along with the girl. We were relieved and happy, but also...conflicted. We told ourselves that it would be awesome for him to have a Chinese sibling, and parents that are about a decade younger than we are. So...we waited. This past Friday, the mom told me that they released his file. Her husband felt like they needed to just focus on adopting their daughter, especially with her special needs. If you're counting, that was the third family to pursue him, but not move forward to adopt him. 0 for 3.
The other day, before the file had been returned, Chris was at basketball practice with Loren, and I read an article to the boys called The Truth About Older Child Adoption. When I was through, I asked them how they felt, knowing adopting is a lot different than hosting. It's FOREVER, and it's "real life" (unlike everyone being home on Christmas break, enjoying trips to Great Wolf Lodge and Sweet Frog). Cole said "I still want to adopt him." I asked him why, and he paused and said, "Because I love him." Reid, always the comedian, quoted Mr. Peabody and Sherman with an "I have a deep regard for him as well." Loren prays every night that we are his family.
So, if you are a praying person, would you please pray for us? And please, please, please pray for Jia Qing (along with the other kids that were hosted and are still waiting for a family). One thing that we've absolutely learned about ourselves through all of this, is that we TRULY want the BEST for JQ. And when you're having serious conversations about adoption, you NEVER feel like the best. Like, seriously, I'm guessing there are, oh, 145,387 families that would be better for him than we are. It's easy to convince yourself that an orphan would be better off with a family that doesn't yell. Or is younger. Or is older. Or has more money. Or lives in a bigger house. Or has kids that obey the first time (is there such a thing?) Or, or, or, or...
Chris and I both want what God wants. Unfortunately, we aren't quite agreeing on what that is. Good times! It very well might be that an AMAZING family requests his file tomorrow and moves forward, or it might be that nobody does and he just goes on in foster care. It might be that we are meant to advocate only (and there is certainly nothing wrong with that- there is a HUGE need for host families!), or maybe Jia is a Scoggins. Chris and I are struggling to know what our role is in his life. We need wisdom and discernment, and an extra measure of patience with each other as we muddle through this. I don't want to miss what God has because of fear or uncertainty.
Who knows what I'm opening us up to by writing this post, but I KNOW there are so many friends out there who are wondering what the heck is going on. I know I would be!!!
I'll leave you with this video. I watch it on my phone almost every day. It's one of my absolute favorites, because it shows what a hilarious little spaz JQ is. He is saying "Chickfila Doug", because Doug works there and the two went hand in hand for him. He puts on Loren's hot pink coat and says "Jia Qing!" Oh my- he's funny, and loud, and wonderful.
Every time I hear this song, I am undone. "Every child has a dream to belong and be loved."
Thanks for your prayers and support, and for loving our family no matter what happens.
