Today I was reminded that I am the biggest cry baby on the planet. (Like I needed reminding??)
I will admit, though, that the tears didn't really have to do with saying goodbye to Alyona. As we kind of expected, our goodbye was very brief and to the point. She slept all the way to the airport, and when we arrived, the kids went with a couple of chaperones to check their luggage, while the host parents waited. That took about 45 minutes. By the time they rejoined us, it was time to rush off to get them through security. Alyona and 16 year old Anya yelled "Toilet!" and off they ran. About 10 minutes passed and we were starting to panic, thinking they had run off or were lost. They seriously had to get moving, as they were boarding in an hour!! Well, the girls finally returned, but by that time, the other kids had said their goodbyes and had "crossed the line" beyond where non travelers could go. She gave us both a quick hug while the chaperones told them to hurry up, and that was it.
Here is one of the reasons for my waterworks:
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| The look on Jills' face as she comforts her son just says it all. They love Irina. |
Precious, sweet Irina. Oh my goodness. About 3 days ago, her host mom (and my dear friend, Jill) started sharing that Irina was crying a lot because she didn't want to leave the family that she had grown to love so deeply. Her 3 host brothers were at the airport, and they all cried for her. The youngest one especially, absolutely broke my heart. He cried and cried and cried. Jill and Darin struggled to put that sweet little girl on that plane. They love her very much. I'm not sure what the future holds for her or for her host family, but we are all hoping for wonderful things!
The other younger girl (Natasha) also wept, although I was so focused on the family above that I kind of missed it. She struggled so much that her host dad had to actually carry her to the car this morning, when it was time to go to the airport. She was so upset that she wouldn't show her face or have any pictures taken.
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| Lori with sweet "Natash". Zoya was a great, Russian speaking help and comfort. |
Even the 16 year old (who had a tough time here) had a very tearful goodbye with her host parents. I was a little bummed out that we didn't get one, but that is just not Alyona's personality. She is very independent and a somewhat hard nut to crack. We were told several times during her stay (through translators) that she was having a wonderful time here, loves America, and wants to be hosted by us again. I wouldn't say that her actions really reflected that, but it does make us happy to know that it's true. Because of her age, I'm not sure if she will be able to be hosted again.
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| Our final farewell |
I was also very heart broken over 14 year old Alyona. Her host family (also very dear friends) offered to adopt her. She declined. She is CHOOSING to be an orphan. She is saying, "I don't want filet mignon, I'm very happy with Spam, thank you very much." She just doesn't understand the decision she is making. She even said that many of her friends who have aged out of the orphanage are now homeless, but she doesn't believe that will happen to her. She was handed a winning lottery ticket, but didn't accept it. She just couldn't comprehend the value of it, and it is devastating.
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| This photo was emailed to me once the kids landed in Boston (to pick up more host children). One leg closer to Ukraine... |
Ask anyone who has been involved, and they will tell you the same thing: Orphan care, of any type, is really messy. Sometimes it can seem glamorous from afar, but it is so NOT glamorous. There can be a lot of pain involved, and life as you know it gets turned upside down. My precious friends were deeply hurting today. The kids are going back to their orphanages after a wonderful vacation, and they are still orphans. One of them, by choice.
The drive home was really nice. We left our 3 with a sitter, and carpooled with Rebecca (14 year old Alyona's host mom). It was good for her to process what had happened over the last few days, and it was refreshing to just share stories (the sad, weird and hilarious!)
We share a special bond with the other 3 Richmond host families, and we are so grateful.
We got home around 2 and went right to work on Cole's room. It needed a complete, top to bottom cleaning. Alyona was not very clean, and we wanted it to be nice for Cole again. That room alone, mixed in with getting the playroom back to normal (Cole's been sleeping there for 3 weeks, and Loren slept there while Zoya was with us) , plus washing all of the bedding that Alyona used took 2 full hours. I was wiped out, both physically and emotionally, for sure.
I was literally thinking "I still need to do the bathrooms and the kitchen and I'm running on empty." Then, I checked my email. And there was the following message (cut and pasted):
Hey Tracy! How did it go today saying goodbye? I'm sure that was tough. Hey, I have an idea. You can say no but thought I'd at least offer it. What if you and the kids (and Chris if he's not working) take a day tomorrow to do something fun as a family of 5 again while I come over and clean your house (obviously for free). I'm weird and love cleaning, and after reading your blog, thought that may be something that would take a load off. Let me know what you think. I'm free most of the day tomorrow (just need to work out) and happy to do it. xo,
I told her I wouldn't mention her name on my blog, so I won't. (but it starts with a B and rhymes with schmecky)
And that my friends, is when the dam broke...
Remember the verse I quoted a couple of posts ago?
Matthew 6:8
...your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
I felt so unbelievably loved and cared for that I didn't even know what to do except cry and thank her over and over again. She said, "this is what I can do to help with orphan care." WOW.
I've said it before and I'll say it again...We have not done this alone. Sometimes we get praise for being the ones who hosted, but I don't like it. We were ONE piece of the puzzle. I have so many people to thank for helping us during this journey that it overwhelms me.
So, if you encouraged us with kind words or prayers, thank you. If you donated clothes or put out the word and got donations from friends, thank you. If you sent money or a gift card to help with Alyona's many expenses, thank you. If you read this blog, thank you. If you are cleaning my house or giving Chris and I a date night Saturday (Heather Jarvis), thank you. We are blessed beyond measure.
This made me cry because it reminded me of the same decision being made by another girl we've known over the years as we've drawn closer and closer to orphan/birth mom care. The other girl I know that chose not to be adopted was hoping that something would "work out" with her biological parents and was afraid to leave her country to blaze a new trail here. It was devastating and I do know that she later regretted her decision, but as you so aptly mentioned - it is MESSY. It's complicated and ugly and broken and filled with baggage and damage and pain. And sometimes we don't get to see the beautiful part.
ReplyDeleteI'll be praying for these kids and the families here that were impacted by them coming; and, of course, for the family who is grieving. I keep thinking how much Alyona's decision (and that of other orphans) is such a reflection of our response to all that God offers us. Such a reflection of the gospel and, too often, our response to it.
Thank you for sharing!
I just want you to know that some people just aren't made to give, or receive, compliments. My dad was one of them. It was very, very rare to get a "good job" or what not from him. I know he loved me with every inch of his being, this was just not a part of him. I had to learn to here my compliments from what he told others, and those mean everything to me. Would I have loved to hear them from him, sure. But then he wouldn't have been him, ya know? Cherish what you have heard from others, it is just as if it came from her mouth.
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