Saying Goodbye

Saying goodbye is never easy. We've done it many times, between hosting and our years doing interim care for Bethany Christian Services, but that doesn't make it any easier.  What I will say, is that I believe this is what God has called us to do, and He has equipped us to do it.  So many people have said over the years, "How can you let them go??"  "I could never do what you're doing- I would be too attached", etc.  Well, you could and you would, if that's what was being required of you.  We knew with each and every child that has passed through our doors, that a "goodbye" was coming.  Of course, this particular goodbye was a little tougher.  Ok, a lot tougher. 

I'm going to warn you right now, that this post is going to be difficult to read, and your heartstrings are going to stretch to capacity.  It's long, too.  Here's what our last few days looked like...

Monday night, we put everyone to bed around 8pm.  Bedtime had NEVER been an issue with JQ.  At almost 10pm, Cole came down, exasperated and in tears.  "He just won't go to sleep!  He keeps trying to get in my bed, get me to read to him, play with him, etc.  I'm TIRED!"  After questioning Cole as to why he waited TWO HOURS to tell us there was an issue, Chris went upstairs and told Jia that it was time to go to sleep, and that Cole needed rest for school the next day.  He obeyed at that point, and went to sleep. 

Tuesday when the kids were heading out to the bus stop, Jia cried.  He just didn't want them to go (you've seen his reaction when they come home!!)  I gently told him that they would be back in a few hours, and that everything would be ok.  He pulled himself together...until Chris left for work about 5 minutes later.  Then, it started all over again.  Chris hugged him and told him he would be back soon.  I remembered at 7am that I was supposed to bake cookies for a women's bible study I was attending at 9am (nice!), so I got busy on that.  I noticed it was quiet, so I went looking for JQ, and found him in our bed.  Those were the first signs that he knew and understood what was coming. 

We kept him busy and took him swimming.  His favorite activity ever!  We enjoyed meals together as a family, and made things as fun as we could for him.

 

All the while, we were counting down the days with him.  "In 3 days, you'll go on the airplane."  "In 2 days, you'll go on the airplane.  Will your friends recognize you without your front teeth?!"  He would nod his head and say "ok", and that he was happy to go back to China.  Even the day he left, I said, "In 2 hours, you will leave with us to go on an airplane, We'll stay in a hotel, and then you'll go back to China."  He understood and seemed fine with it...until he had to say goodbye to the kids.  God gifted us with our very first school cancellation that very day (thank you icy roads!), and our kids got to spend the morning with him.  It was great.  Our neighbors kept the kids while we were gone (they are THE BEST- thank you, Rick and Carolee!)

 

 

I can't say it better than my friend Heather Beam did.  I texted her a video the day we left, showing a very sad little guy, and this was her response:

"I keep going back to the truth that video demonstrates:  that sweet boy's heart is still tender.  miraculously, God has kept his heart from being hardened from the losses in his life.  I am in awe of how available he is emotionally.  He will attach beautifully to a family as soon as they snatch him up!"

 

Although it was painful, his response was right and good, and showed that he does indeed have a tender heart that knows how to love someone.  It's a gift!

 

After a few minutes, he settled down and we were on our way.  He was good as gold on the plane, and was excited to be flying again.  He does love airplanes! 

 

 We checked into our hotel in Chicago, we got some Panda Express to go, and had a picnic in the hotel lobby.  It was GREAT connecting with 4 other families, sharing our stories and watching our host kids play together and totally enjoy each other!

 

 

We didn't get to bed until after 11pm.  He slept in one bed, and Chris and I slept in the bed next to him.  The lights were off and we were all tucked in, when we heard, "I love you daddy.  I love you mommy."  Oh my heart. 

 

The next morning he kept checking the contents of his backpack; I think he was ready to just get the show on the road.  We had breakfast with our friend, Salimeh, and her host son.  So fun!

 

Then, it was time to meet the other families at the airport.  There were 25 host kids in all, and it was madness!  He had fun seeing his buddies, and didn't hang out with Chris and me all that much. 

Then, it was time for the host parents to say their goodbyes.  We called Jia over and talked to him and held him.  We told him how much we LOVED having him stay with us. 

 

He struggled.  Lots of tears from all 3 of us.  This picture pretty much sums it up. 

 



 Saying goodbye was difficult for him, and he actually tried to avoid it.  When the kids left, and the host families couldn't go any farther, we were yelling goodbye and waving, along with the other host parents, but he wouldn't look our way. 

Late last night, I was on Facebook, and saw this photo, that my friend, Christine, posted of her host son (in the red hat).  And there was our baby, in tears.  We had no idea that he was still crying until we saw her picture, because he was facing away from us. 

 

We took comfort in knowing that he would quickly rally, like he did after his sad goodbye with the kids.  We knew he would be so excited to be on the plane with all of his buddies, swapping stories and laughing together.  We missed him (and still do, of course), but we knew he would be okay. 

 

 

I said on Facebook last night, that to make an omelette, you need to crack a few eggs.  We knew that goodbye was going to be painful.  But...it was worth it, for all of us.  We were bent and broken for a little boy who had never experienced the love of a family.  He went back to China after being completely poured into!  He had experiences that he wouldn't have had otherwise.  And he WILL be adopted.  I don't know when and I don't know by who (whom?), but it will happen.  Several of the 25 kids found their forever family while they were here.  Others have things "in the works."  ALL 25 of them had an almost zero percent chance of being adopted, if not for being hosted.  And that is why we host, even though it's hard for everyone.  They need a CHANCE.

 

So many people have called us "amazing".  Although so incredibly sweet, it's just not accurate.  FAR. FROM. ACCURATE.  We are not amazing by any means.  We just love orphan care, and we believe in the hosting program because it works.  Almost anybody can do it, really!  No "amazingness" required.  What you DO need is a bed (we didn't have one- we borrowed one from my parents), the hosting fees (huh- we didn't have those either- we raised them!), and some love to give.  You need a willingness to have your heart broken because you took a risk and loved a child like your own, who is not your own.  That's it, really.  Would you consider joining us next Christmas?!  Have your heart broken- it's for a good cause!!  :-)

 

 

Our hope is to somehow keep in touch with JQ, and definitely to continue advocating for him.  We will keep you posted on new developments, too. 

 

This crazy little guy really made a mark on Richmond, VA, and beyond.  He has captured so many hearts, and has put a face and a personality on "the orphan".  He is just one of SO MANY.  We are incredibly fortunate that for a time, he was ours and we were his.  THANKFUL.