Ridin' the Tea Cups

Although I do love all things Disney, there is a reason I leave riding the Tea Cups at Magic Kingdom to the kids..

(The girl on the right is our niece, WDW 2012)

Drops?  Love 'em.  Water rides?  Hand me my poncho!  Dark rides?  Bring it.  Speed?  YES PLEASE.  Whenever I ride something that spins, though, I want to die.  I don't like getting off a ride and feeling disoriented. 

These past couple of weeks, I've felt like my life is one big,  disorienting ride on the Tea Cups.  Honestly, I'm struggling.  Every time I see a picture of Jia Qing, or think about him, or laugh as the kids imitate him, or someone asks about him, it borders on painful. 
I wonder every single day if he is a Scoggins, and if we've completely missed the boat.  I mean... good grief, look at this picture!!!

 

As you may or may not have seen, a couple of weeks ago, a gal in Boise posted on my Facebook wall, that she and her family were adopting a precious 13 year old girl from JQ's orphanage (he lives with a foster family, but attends school at an orphanage).  She said that she had been following my blog since he came to live with us, and they were feeling led to adopt him, along with the girl. We were relieved and happy, but also...conflicted.  We told ourselves that it would be awesome for him to have a Chinese sibling, and parents that are about a decade younger than we are.  So...we waited.  This past Friday, the mom told me that they released his file.  Her husband felt like they needed to just focus on adopting their daughter, especially with her special needs.  If you're counting, that was the third family to pursue him, but not move forward to adopt him.  0 for 3.

 

The other day, before the file had been returned,  Chris was at basketball practice with Loren, and I read an article to the boys called The Truth About Older Child Adoption.  When I was through, I asked them how they felt, knowing adopting is a lot different than hosting.  It's FOREVER, and it's "real life" (unlike everyone being home on Christmas break, enjoying trips to Great Wolf Lodge and Sweet Frog).  Cole said "I still want to adopt him."  I asked him why, and he paused and said, "Because I love him."  Reid, always the comedian, quoted Mr. Peabody and Sherman with an "I have a deep regard for him as well."  Loren prays every night that we are his family. 

 

So, if you are a praying person, would you please pray for us?  And please, please, please pray for Jia Qing (along with the other kids that were hosted and are still waiting for a family).  One thing that we've absolutely learned about ourselves through all of this, is that we TRULY want the BEST for JQ.  And when you're having serious conversations about adoption, you NEVER feel like the best.  Like, seriously, I'm guessing there are, oh, 145,387 families that would be better for him than we are.  It's easy to convince yourself that an orphan would be better off with a family that doesn't yell.  Or is younger.  Or is older.  Or has more money.  Or lives in a bigger house.  Or has kids that obey the first time (is there such a thing?)  Or, or, or, or...

 

Chris and I both want what God wants.  Unfortunately, we aren't quite agreeing on what that is.  Good times!   It very well might be that an AMAZING family requests his file tomorrow and moves forward, or it might be that nobody does and he just goes on in foster care.  It might be that we are meant to advocate only (and there is certainly nothing wrong with that- there is a HUGE need for host families!), or maybe Jia is a Scoggins.  Chris and I are struggling to know what our role is in his life.  We need wisdom and discernment, and an extra measure of patience with each other as we muddle through this. I don't want to miss what God has because of fear or uncertainty. 

 

Who knows what I'm opening us up to by writing this post, but I KNOW there are so many friends out there who are wondering what the heck is going on.  I know I would be!!!

I'll leave you with this video.  I watch it on my phone almost every day.  It's one of my absolute favorites, because it shows what a hilarious little spaz JQ is.  He is saying "Chickfila Doug", because Doug works there and the two went hand in hand for him.  He puts on Loren's hot pink coat and says "Jia Qing!"  Oh my- he's funny, and loud, and wonderful.

 

 

 

Every time I hear this song, I am undone.  "Every child has a dream to belong and be loved."

Thanks for your prayers and support, and for loving our family no matter what happens.

 

 

 

 

 

 



One week later...

This guy:

 

 

 

It was one week ago today that we put this heartbreaker on a plane back to China.  As Bill Withers (or Lenny Kravitz, depending on which version you like) would say:  "Ain't no sunshine when she's (he's) gone."

I probably need to stop staring at his picture on our fireplace mantle or watching his You Tube video once or twice a day (there are currently 96 views.  I'm guessing 87 of them are mine...)

The kids imitate him constantly.  Oh my goodness- all 3 of them are dead ringers for JQ!  The hilarious things he did and said (or the things that were just downright precious) go on through Cole, Reid and Loren.  They miss him, too.

I'm so grateful for the pictures we've received from one of the chaperones.  Pictures of him with his foster parents and foster siblings, and pictures of him with friends from the orphanage.  Of course, he's smiling in every one.  SO happy and relieved that, at least as much as the pictures show, he is happy and not sad. 

I talked to one of the CCAI adoption coordinators yesterday, and got answers to a few of my questions...

first question:  Can he be re-hosted, either by us or someone else? 

answer:  no.  There are SO MANY ORPHANS in China, and Project 143's goal is to give as many kids an opportunity to be hosted as possible.  They will pull kids from a completely different region for summer hosting.  There are 10-ish orphans per 1 chaperone, so the kids do come in groups from specific areas.  Not just "one from here, one from there." 

second question:  Is there a family currently viewing his file?

answer:  no, there is not.  :-(

third question:  Can we keep in touch with him?

answer:  yes.  We are waiting for an address so we can mail him letters, pictures, etc.  Our contact at CCAI is also going to keep me posted on families requesting his file, more info, etc. 

We will absolutely continue to advocate not only for Jia Qing, but also for the other host children we met who are still waiting for their forever family to find them. 
If you look under Special Focus you will see not only JQ, but several of the other kids who were hosted and still waiting.  If there was an update in Dec or Jan, that is a good clue that you're looking at a child who was hosted, and his or her host family will be able to give you tons more info!

We will also continue to raise awareness about orphan hosting.  It's not always easy, but it is so worth it.  Those kids are so worth it!!  Our hosting coordinator was actually just in Latvia, interviewing kids for the summer hosting program.  Things are already in the works!  My work schedule will not allow us to host this summer, but Christmas 2015 is certainly on our radar!  Of course, I fear that JQ has ruined me for all other kids- ugh!!! 

I miss him.  WE miss him!  Honestly, there are times each and every day, when I second guess our decision to not pursue adopting him, even though there are probably a million reasons not to.  If we are not on the right path, I pray that mountains are moved on his behalf and ours. 
By the same token, if a different family is meant to adopt him, I hope and pray they step forward SOON, and my heart becomes more content with how things played out.  We want the best for him, and right now, only God knows what that is.  Psalm 68:5 says that He is a "father to the fatherless."  Thank you, Lord, for keeping his little heart so tender.  He is so special, and he is seen and known and loved!

Thank you for your prayers, inquiries, hugs, Facebook posts telling us how much you'll miss seeing JQ's pictures every day, etc.  We have awesome friends and family, FOR SURE.

Saying Goodbye

Saying goodbye is never easy. We've done it many times, between hosting and our years doing interim care for Bethany Christian Services, but that doesn't make it any easier.  What I will say, is that I believe this is what God has called us to do, and He has equipped us to do it.  So many people have said over the years, "How can you let them go??"  "I could never do what you're doing- I would be too attached", etc.  Well, you could and you would, if that's what was being required of you.  We knew with each and every child that has passed through our doors, that a "goodbye" was coming.  Of course, this particular goodbye was a little tougher.  Ok, a lot tougher. 

I'm going to warn you right now, that this post is going to be difficult to read, and your heartstrings are going to stretch to capacity.  It's long, too.  Here's what our last few days looked like...

Monday night, we put everyone to bed around 8pm.  Bedtime had NEVER been an issue with JQ.  At almost 10pm, Cole came down, exasperated and in tears.  "He just won't go to sleep!  He keeps trying to get in my bed, get me to read to him, play with him, etc.  I'm TIRED!"  After questioning Cole as to why he waited TWO HOURS to tell us there was an issue, Chris went upstairs and told Jia that it was time to go to sleep, and that Cole needed rest for school the next day.  He obeyed at that point, and went to sleep. 

Tuesday when the kids were heading out to the bus stop, Jia cried.  He just didn't want them to go (you've seen his reaction when they come home!!)  I gently told him that they would be back in a few hours, and that everything would be ok.  He pulled himself together...until Chris left for work about 5 minutes later.  Then, it started all over again.  Chris hugged him and told him he would be back soon.  I remembered at 7am that I was supposed to bake cookies for a women's bible study I was attending at 9am (nice!), so I got busy on that.  I noticed it was quiet, so I went looking for JQ, and found him in our bed.  Those were the first signs that he knew and understood what was coming. 

We kept him busy and took him swimming.  His favorite activity ever!  We enjoyed meals together as a family, and made things as fun as we could for him.

 

All the while, we were counting down the days with him.  "In 3 days, you'll go on the airplane."  "In 2 days, you'll go on the airplane.  Will your friends recognize you without your front teeth?!"  He would nod his head and say "ok", and that he was happy to go back to China.  Even the day he left, I said, "In 2 hours, you will leave with us to go on an airplane, We'll stay in a hotel, and then you'll go back to China."  He understood and seemed fine with it...until he had to say goodbye to the kids.  God gifted us with our very first school cancellation that very day (thank you icy roads!), and our kids got to spend the morning with him.  It was great.  Our neighbors kept the kids while we were gone (they are THE BEST- thank you, Rick and Carolee!)

 

 

I can't say it better than my friend Heather Beam did.  I texted her a video the day we left, showing a very sad little guy, and this was her response:

"I keep going back to the truth that video demonstrates:  that sweet boy's heart is still tender.  miraculously, God has kept his heart from being hardened from the losses in his life.  I am in awe of how available he is emotionally.  He will attach beautifully to a family as soon as they snatch him up!"

 

Although it was painful, his response was right and good, and showed that he does indeed have a tender heart that knows how to love someone.  It's a gift!

 

After a few minutes, he settled down and we were on our way.  He was good as gold on the plane, and was excited to be flying again.  He does love airplanes! 

 

 We checked into our hotel in Chicago, we got some Panda Express to go, and had a picnic in the hotel lobby.  It was GREAT connecting with 4 other families, sharing our stories and watching our host kids play together and totally enjoy each other!

 

 

We didn't get to bed until after 11pm.  He slept in one bed, and Chris and I slept in the bed next to him.  The lights were off and we were all tucked in, when we heard, "I love you daddy.  I love you mommy."  Oh my heart. 

 

The next morning he kept checking the contents of his backpack; I think he was ready to just get the show on the road.  We had breakfast with our friend, Salimeh, and her host son.  So fun!

 

Then, it was time to meet the other families at the airport.  There were 25 host kids in all, and it was madness!  He had fun seeing his buddies, and didn't hang out with Chris and me all that much. 

Then, it was time for the host parents to say their goodbyes.  We called Jia over and talked to him and held him.  We told him how much we LOVED having him stay with us. 

 

He struggled.  Lots of tears from all 3 of us.  This picture pretty much sums it up. 

 



 Saying goodbye was difficult for him, and he actually tried to avoid it.  When the kids left, and the host families couldn't go any farther, we were yelling goodbye and waving, along with the other host parents, but he wouldn't look our way. 

Late last night, I was on Facebook, and saw this photo, that my friend, Christine, posted of her host son (in the red hat).  And there was our baby, in tears.  We had no idea that he was still crying until we saw her picture, because he was facing away from us. 

 

We took comfort in knowing that he would quickly rally, like he did after his sad goodbye with the kids.  We knew he would be so excited to be on the plane with all of his buddies, swapping stories and laughing together.  We missed him (and still do, of course), but we knew he would be okay. 

 

 

I said on Facebook last night, that to make an omelette, you need to crack a few eggs.  We knew that goodbye was going to be painful.  But...it was worth it, for all of us.  We were bent and broken for a little boy who had never experienced the love of a family.  He went back to China after being completely poured into!  He had experiences that he wouldn't have had otherwise.  And he WILL be adopted.  I don't know when and I don't know by who (whom?), but it will happen.  Several of the 25 kids found their forever family while they were here.  Others have things "in the works."  ALL 25 of them had an almost zero percent chance of being adopted, if not for being hosted.  And that is why we host, even though it's hard for everyone.  They need a CHANCE.

 

So many people have called us "amazing".  Although so incredibly sweet, it's just not accurate.  FAR. FROM. ACCURATE.  We are not amazing by any means.  We just love orphan care, and we believe in the hosting program because it works.  Almost anybody can do it, really!  No "amazingness" required.  What you DO need is a bed (we didn't have one- we borrowed one from my parents), the hosting fees (huh- we didn't have those either- we raised them!), and some love to give.  You need a willingness to have your heart broken because you took a risk and loved a child like your own, who is not your own.  That's it, really.  Would you consider joining us next Christmas?!  Have your heart broken- it's for a good cause!!  :-)

 

 

Our hope is to somehow keep in touch with JQ, and definitely to continue advocating for him.  We will keep you posted on new developments, too. 

 

This crazy little guy really made a mark on Richmond, VA, and beyond.  He has captured so many hearts, and has put a face and a personality on "the orphan".  He is just one of SO MANY.  We are incredibly fortunate that for a time, he was ours and we were his.  THANKFUL.





 



 

 

 



 

 

 



Denial: It's more than a river in Egypt.

As today draws to a close, we are left with only 3 more days until JiaQing returns to China. Sure, in some ways it will be nice to be back to our normal level of loud and crazy, rather than the heightened level we've been living in.  The laundry pile will get smaller, the grocery bill will get lower, and we'll be back to a home where all of its occupants speak English. 

Mostly, though, I'm in denial.  I will miss him so much.  I proactively got a sub to cover my preschool class on Friday, knowing that I will spend every moment on the brink of ugly, bubble-snot crying.  I told Chris that I'll probably spend Friday staring at his pictures and watching all of his videos, like a lovesick teenager who just got dumped by her boyfriend.  His reply?  "Yeah, I figured."

Here are some of the random things I'll miss, in no particular order:

- His reaction when the kids get off the bus

- Hearing new English words every day.

- I'll miss his singing.  He's started singing to the Frozen Soundtrack (Let it Go)- My job here is done.  Ha!  He also tries his darndest to sing in church.  Here he is singing the theme song to Jessie. 

- Tucking him in at night.  He lets me give him all the kisses I want, and then I listen at the door for "Gut NIGHT, COLE!"  Well, it's not like I have to strain.  Have I mentioned he's loud?

-Watching him tattle on the other kids.  He acts the entire thing out.  Like...he'll come in and say, "Cole!"  then he'll smack himself on the head, kick the air, punch his own gut, and then say, "REID!"  Translation:  Reid punched Cole in the gut. 

- Watching him slurp his noodles and scratch his back with his chopsticks.

- Seeing him grow and change with a little bit of love.  It's like watching a flower bloom.

- There are certainly days that I'm ready to sell our kids to the gypsies.  I've got to hand it to them, though; they've stepped up to the plate and been remarkable host sibs to JQ.  Cole has given up his room and what little privacy he had.  They all love him to pieces, but, he can be a little high maintenance (I'm chuckling to myself as I type).  The kids have shown him so much love and grace and patience that I am left in awe.  Last night, we coincidentally watched the Little House on the Prairie episode,  "Fagin"
Ohhh wow, did that one hit home.  We talked about it afterwards, and I told the kids that they are a lot like Laura, who found herself having to share Ma and Pa with Albert, who seemed to be getting so much of the attention.  If you're looking for a reason to give hosting a try?  Do it for your kids and watch them rise to the occasion.

 

 

- I will miss his laugh.

 

- I will miss seeing him in my rear view mirror when we're driving, calling, "Mommy!" and putting his hand to his ear.  That means, "turn it up!"

- When he claps his hands, gives the "thumbs up", or says "OK!" because he's happy, there's nothing better.

- I love it when we're out and about, and people inquire about him upon realizing that  he doesn't speak English.  The majority of people that I've talked to have no idea what Orphan Hosting is, and raising awareness brings me so much joy!

- Watching him put his trust in Chris to try new things in the water has been amazing.  He's so cute in his goggles that I can't even stand it.

 

 

-Watching him bow his head and fold his hands to pray puts a lump in my throat.  As soon as they finish brushing teeth, he points to our room and folds his hands like, "Don't forget- we need to pray!"

 

 

- Even though he's been here for a month, he still feels the need to tell us when he needs to go to the bathroom.  He holds his front for number 1, and his back for number 2, until we say, "OK!"  

 

- I'll miss him at the dinner table.  He keeps us laughing!

 

 

 

 

 

I'll tell you right now, that not all of the host families have had the positive experience that we've had.  We've been so fortunate.  Our hosting experience in 2012 was good, but not great.  I think younger has been right for us.  I have NO CLUE what our airport goodbye will be like.  He might clutch on to us and cry.  Or, he might wave goodbye and be on his merry way.  Honestly, I could see it going either way.  He says he's enjoyed us, but he's also excited to get back to China.  I'm glad!  As far as a family here goes...we've hit a few roadblocks, and I honestly don't know what's going to happen.  One very interested potential family did not fall under China's age requirements.  The other serious family is getting some resistance from a couple of their children, and they don't want to move forward unless and until the ENTIRE family is on board (smart move.)  Supposedly, there is a 3rd family in the area that is very interested in meeting him (and they have his file), but I haven't heard anything from them.  So...we are continuing to advocate, not only for JQ, but for some of the other host kids that are still waiting for their forever family to find them.  This world is so broken, and sometimes the sheer number of orphans overwhelms me with sadness.  So, please join us in making a difference, one child at a time.

 

 

 

 

 



 

Once you do, everything changes...

“Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.” – Radical by David Platt.

I have so much on my mind and in my heart tonight, that I'm not even really sure where to begin.  If feelings were fruits, I could blend you the best smoothie you've ever had!  When Jia Qing was just a photo on Project 143's hosting website, I would stare at him and think, "there's no way he can be as awesome as he looks- I'll go ahead and hope for the best but prepare for the worst."  Well, wouldn't you know it...he wasn't as awesome as he looked in his photo.  He was/is AWESOMER (trademark pending.)
Is he perfect?  No. Is he pretty darn close?  I think so.  From the moment we met him at the airport, my heart started drifting towards him.  Chris made it abundantly clear that we were going to HOST.  We were going to ADVOCATE.  We were NOT going to adopt.  "No problem!", I thought.  "We've had 20 kids come and go over the years, and it's clearly what God has called us to do. We'll show him a great time, love the daylights out of him, and then rejoice as he joins his forever family." 

However, as the days and weeks went on, things started getting blurred for me.  If my 47 daily Facebook posts haven't clued you in yet, I kind of like this kid.  He was reeling me in, hook, line and sinker...

 

Each day he blended into our family more and more.  Each day he learned new English words and phrases.  Each day he did something either to make me laugh hysterically, or want to hold him and never let go. 

I was envisioning us adopting him.

Here's the problem:  although Chris adores him, for several reasons (which are valid and personal) his stance on advocating for Jia has not changed.  I was hoping for a miracle.  For writing on the wall, a burning bush, a lighting bolt...anything!  But, the lightning bolt never came.  I mentioned in an earlier post that often times the wife is the gas while the husband is the brakes.  A car needs both to get to its destination safely.  I also mentioned that BOTH parents need to be 100% ALL IN, or moving forward (either with hosting, fostering, or adopting) will be a disaster.

 

Here's the big news:  there are two families that are seriously interested in him, and to be completely honest? I've been a wreck.  Last night I was so angry with Chris for not feeling like I felt.  I mean, how dare he!!  Then, I was reminded of our hosting agreement.  He wasn't the one who changed his tune... I was.  I realized how much I needed to heed my own advice and honor my husband.  He loves me, and he loves Jia, and he loves the Lord, and there is a reason for all of this. 

I've cried my share of tears toady, but it's just because I love Jia, and am mourning what could have been.  They aren't tears for him, as he is going to end up with the family that is just right for him.  I thought maybe that was us (as did a lot of you, I know), but it's not, and that's ok.  I am so GRATEFUL that we get to be his host family, and that we will always be a part of his adoption story, like we are with all of our precious Bethany babies.  I'm giddy with anticipation to see how this all plays out.  It's so exciting and humbling to even play a part in his journey!

***please don't ask me about the two families.  We are way, WAY in the beginning stages, and anything could happen.  It's also not my place to talk about it.

***don't be frustrated with Chris, like I was.  He's an amazing, sensible man, who loves Jia, and I am standing with him on this.  He's the only man in the entire state of Virginia who agreed to host a Chinese orphan through P143, and that's saying something!  His heart is good and his reasons are enough.  Thank you!!!

Hey Jesse!

Happy New Year!

 

Well, we are down to just 13 days left with this crazy kid:

 

His first few days here feel like FOREVER ago.  Maybe because we've been so busy?  Maybe because he's come such a long way?  I don't know.  Either way, I'm suuuuuuper sad that winter break is drawing to a close and in just 2 short days, the kids will be back to school (homework:  kill me), sports and Destination Imagination will be in full swing for Reid and Loren, and Chris and I will return to work.  For those of you who don't know, I work at a preschool 3 mornings a week, and the director was kind enough to agree to let me bring JQ to be my "helper".  Should be interesting!

JQ continues to do great.  We've kept him busy and have made lots of fun memories for him. 
He LOVES Jumpology and as a fun bonus, one of the employees there speaks Mandarin! 

 

He's been to Chuck E Cheese (thanks, Deana!)...

 

 

...and to the Science Museum (thanks, Jennifer and Aaron!)

 

Shark Tank!

 

He's been to the Goochland Drive In for a TRIPLE feature...

Hamburger with a side of tots?  Oh. Yeah.

 

Although we FROZE our buns off at  Busch Gardens Christmas Town, we got to see the show "Gloria", which was A-MAY-ZING, and told the Christmas story.  He was captivated!

 

 

The BG freeze fest was followed by dinner at Outback in Williamsburg:

The Toothless Wonder loves baba!

 

 

He even went bowling on New Years Day (a tradition for about 6 years running!)

 

 

***remember how I mentioned the "Jia Fun Money" envelope and the months of saving?  You are now viewing it in photo format.  When you have an orphan in your home, especially one as cute as Jia who thanks us for EVERYTHING and claps his hands with glee, you want to give the kid the world.  Yes, we are spoiling him and spending way too much money.   Sue me!

 

 

 

He loves to be out and about FOR SURE, but he loves being at home, too, especially when all 6 of us are here together.  If one person is missing, he will ask and ask and ask about them.  When the prodigal returns he claps and hugs and smiles.  It's very sweet!

 

Each morning is the same.  He comes downstairs with the kids around 7:30 to watch TV or color or play or whatever.  This morning I heard him singing "It feels like a party every day.  Hey Jesse!  Hey Jesse!"  OH MY GOSH- SO FUNNY.  He then eats a HUGE breakfast.  I couldn't eat half of what he eats.  Chris made him bacon the other day, and he asked for the translator app to say "delicious!" 
Breakfast is followed by a bubble bath.  He plays in there for about 20 minutes, and always wants me to smell his "stinky toes". 

 

 

 

He spends his days playing with Dory, playing outside with the kids, coloring, and shadowing Cole.  Oh, and eating  Have I mentioned the eating?!  He's a bottomless pit and skinny as a pencil!

 

He has a great sense of humor and is so fun to goof around with. 

Probably the biggest area of growth for him has been in the affection department.  When he first arrived, he didn't want to be touched.  He had absolutely no idea how to give or receive a hug, didn't know how to receive a piggy back ride or be picked up, and would NOT sit on a lap.  Now?  He does all of those, a TON.  This morning he came in the kitchen and gave me a hug and kiss.  I said, "thank you, JiaQing!" and he happily yelled, "Waacome!!"  (his version of "you're welcome").  He was having Cole piggyback him all over the house.  I was watching a video on the computer (of him, of course) and he climbed right up on my lap without a second thought.  When Dory is outside, he asks me to pick him up so he can see her out the window.  Please believe, he did NONE of those things when he arrived.  He either didn't know how, or just plain WOULD NOT.  See what a little bit of love can do?  Have I mentioned how you should really consider hosting?  wink.

 

So, with 13 days left, here's where we're at...

We are still advocating for him.  I call him an "internet sensation", as his photo and bio is everywhere, being shared by everyone and their brother. 

WE STILL DON'T HAVE A FOREVER FAMILY FOR HIM.   Yesterday he told us several times that he wants to go to school in the United States.  He would be fine here, I have no doubt.  He said he does not miss China.

Would you please join me in praying for a family for him?  Preferably, one that comes forward before he goes back?  (He has to go back either way, but it would be awesome if he went back with a family pursuing him.)  Thank you for encouraging us and loving him!!!

 

I'll end with this video, so you can hear his voice.  I love that loud, funny voice!